Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
fuck your aforementioned shoe
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
