Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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