is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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