in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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