My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she woke up with a sticky ear
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i think im in europe. pls send help
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
