i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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