I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize