Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
