I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize