This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
