i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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