She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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