I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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