I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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