I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
