you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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