Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
