I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize