Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize