i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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