i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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