So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
