I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Semen is not good for contacts.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize