just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize