after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Watching her eat just hurts me
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
