Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
did i just pee glitter
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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