$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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