giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
