I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
