you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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