So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
