did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize