So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
