He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
