My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I understand Curling. That high.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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