I could make wine with my vomit
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
