You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
this hospital has no fireball
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
