I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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