I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
