my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
