I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
