Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
