He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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