C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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