Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
