Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize