my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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