Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
