i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
