thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
