Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
