So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
