I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
