Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
