Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
