Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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