I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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