i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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