Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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