I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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