fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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