left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
