if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize