Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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