I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't put those talents on a resume
Randomize
