I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
