Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
