he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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