No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
