You work out of a Hotel?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
