he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
