if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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