You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
