I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
