Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
