I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize