So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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