Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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