can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Sorry about my life...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
