Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
