fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
