Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
