bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
