That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
