I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
