We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
