sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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