you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
