he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
