i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
