I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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