you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
