And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
