You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
