Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
