she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
nutella sex= disaster
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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