my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
