the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
