Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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