I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
