I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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