my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
