There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You smell like stripper and shame
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
