He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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