you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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