it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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