sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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