I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
