I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
