I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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